So this month I attended a workshop. I attended a workshop with other like minded ladies. A workshop that would help me to reconnect with me? Take time out? Feel less alone? Realise that we are all in this together? Yes. That is exactly what it was. A wonderful local Mama, Claire, has set up her own little enterprise to support women everywhere and the main message we were all left with was “You’re doing an amazing job!” Something I feel we need to tell each other and MORE importantly, tell ourselves.
The workshop consisted of two talks by the wonderful Claire. One that focused on how to manage energy levels as a busy mum. The other looking into the hot topic of ditching the mum guilt. Both very relevant to me.
I have talked previously about how I manage my life and organise our week but it isn’t easy and keeping plates spinning constantly is exhausting.
Claire introduced us to the Mamarocks Wheel – a diagram showing the 6 different areas of life: Family, Friendships, Work/Career, Play, Money, Health & Welbeing. It was incredible to see these areas laid out and then to score ourselves on how well we feel we are achieving within them. The idea, I guess, is to see which areas we are NOT scoring highly in and reflect on how this would help with our energy and outlook. And which we ARE scoring highly in to gain that sense of contentment. It also showed which parts of life have changed since having children and how different areas become a priority. It was interesting to say the least. We also looked at what impacts on our negative energies and strategies to support our rest and relaxation. As mums our primal fight or flight instinct is used regularly which we all know is exhausting. Take my recent Instagram rant about Evelyn’s swimming lessons. Something that wouldn’t usually get our blood boiling does so at a much higher intensity when it surrounds your offspring!
Ditching the mum guilt
I also know first hand how mum guilt can feel.
- I feel guilty for working full time,
- I feel guilty that I don’t plan enough stimulating activities,
- I feel guilty for not being fully present when around her,
- I feel guilty that we don’t see family as much as I would like to,
- I feel guilty that I sometimes forget things that other mums remember!
The guilt is real. But why? Has social media created this picture perfect view of what a mum is? How family life should look? I can be guilty of posting a near perfect picture but I hope I also express that this isn’t the constant reality. Real life and Instagram life can lead to a world of ‘comparison depression’. I am currently reading an amazing book by the wonderful Anya Hayes called The Supermum Myth – go check it out. Anya was also at the workshop and had some amazing insights into motherhood. I’m only on chapter 1 but so much is ringing as a truth to me. Where does this guilt stem from? Do the Dads have ‘Dad guilt’? The workshop was the first thing I’ve attended that I didn’t justify in my head. The internal conversation usually goes: “Well, the last time I went out was only for a coffee/ drink/ couple of hours!” I’d then have to talk it through with the husband establishing his approval. For this workshop I TOLD myself: I need this. I want to go. It will be good for me. I think if you allow yourself the time to ‘DO YOU’ every once in a while it does wonders for your self esteem, your confidence and your ability to build that positive energy once again.
My point after this long ramble of thoughts is that everyone is different. We are made that way (otherwise life would be dull and boring). By accepting this we are then accepting that every mother is different. Every journey through motherhood looks different. Pictures don’t show perfect. They show someone elses different world. We can admire and we can like but don’t dilute the amazing job you are doing by comparing.
Whatever your journey. Whatever your situation. YOU ARE DOING AN AMAZING JOB. YOU ARE ENOUGH. x
Also, please go check out the amazing Claire over at MAMACLUB she’s got some awesome events and a great website!