In the 820 (give or take a few) days I have been a Mummy I have changed. I have grown and learnt – yes, that’s a given. I have taken on this life altering, permanent challenge that will be my greatest success.. blah blah blah. What you don’t realise, as you paddle your way through parenthood is that you have to reinvent yourself each and every day. These changes are minimal in the beginning. The ball of baby doesn’t respond to your Mummy styles at the start but as those little eyes begin to understand, they start to know how to play you and keep you on your toes. These are the Versions of Mummy I’ve gone though in 2 years… (see if you recognise any of them)
Version 1 – AKA The Soother.
Your main role in this version is to just maintain a calm and tranquil facade when around your baby. They pick up on your every emotion when they are newborn and they still have some inbuilt connection to your senses. A very nice version, I liked this one… sometimes I think I moved on from it too quickly. New mums are so keen for their offspring to learn and develop… take this one in. Enjoy.
Version 2 – AKA Mr Tickle/Inspector Gadget
Your main role in this version is to have the power to use your arms and hands without thinking. Babies start to move and drop things and touch things and fall over etc etc. You still have some elements of Version 1 left in you but get less and less time for the soothing. I feel like Mr Tickle and Inspector Gadget together would create a superforce. The amount of paraphernalia you need at your disposal in this phase is ridonculous!! This version also sees the development of your superpower which comes into play in…
Version 3 – AKA Mystic Meg
Yes, YES the superpower is psychic tenancies. You have learnt the many faces of your (probably) now crawling infant! They look at you, you sense their intent. You see in their eyes what they are up to. You quickly assess the situation and amend the area to ensure safety. A psychic ninja! Very cool version. Very cool.
Version 4 – AKA The Clown
Ok. This is where the Versions get exhausting. Offspring now requires stimulation. They aren’t old enough to entertain themselves and don’t really understand games but what they DO love is SINGING! Not them singing… they can’t bloody talk… so YOU must sing and dance. Perform like you are in a West End production of Lion King! Dance monkey DANCE!! You attend all the groups as there you are around like-minded Version 4 mums who don’t look at you l
ike a lunatic. “See the sleeping buuunnnnyyyy”
Version 5 – AKA The Enemy
This version is where you are always the bad guy. Your tiny human is walking, talking, cute as a button, funny, spontaneous and a crowd pleaser! They know you too well: “Version 5 Mummy will be the one that say no, no more biscuits, no more Pepper Pig. I want version 1 Mummy back.” They have perfected the art of twisting everyone around their little finger. Maintain this version. There is no going back now. Pick your favourite Disney villain and breathe them in. I go with Maleficent. She’s pretty classy and not really evil, she was just pissed she didn’t get an invite to the christening. #misunderstood
The funny thing is, now Evelyn is2 she knows all of the different versions and can ask for them on demand (which makes it even harder). Some days she wants the tranquil, cuddly version 1, other days she needs constant stimulation a la version 4 and other days she wants every version on shuffle! I am totally excited about the next 100 versions of Mummy, I’m sure I’ll be reinventing myself until I’m old and grey!
I wouldn’t have it any other way!
Please leave a comment if you have a different Version of Mummy that you are going through right now. I’d love to get a head start and practice!